Harassed in a Safe Place

In middle school, a girly Mills is sent to a coed summer camp funded by the UJA-Federation, a Jewish charity. Director Dan Farinella likes to hang around with male campers with his “big shoulders, strong arms, and broad chest”, “a pack of cigarettes wrapped around his left shirt sleeve.”

One night, after a sex movie, Farinella calls Mills and says, “Don’t worry, you didn’t do anything. I just love getting to know my campers.” He then continues testing and grooming Mills, taking him for long walks, questioning him about masturbation, taking advantage of his isolation. Like her family, Mills is proud when Farinella arrives in the off-season bringing a can of cannoli and takes Mills to “projects” at camp for a weekend.

Mills says that while they were in their bed in the infirmary, Farinella threw a pornographic magazine at him, pushed him on a mattress, and gave him oral sex. “I closed my eyes and prayed,” Mills writes. “I’m not here. I’m not here.When she opened her eyes, she said, “I was floating, looking at my body as if it belonged to someone else.”

Anyone who listens to the stories of abuse survivors will recognize certain traits – dissociation, embarrassment, self-flagellation. But Mills has his father’s instincts as a writer. He fills his story with indelible detail – Brylcreem in his hunter’s hair, Farinella compliments Mills’ stepdad when he comes to invite Mills to the Bahamas for Christmas. And Mills does a nuanced job of capturing her own emotions, how she blames herself for being aroused, how she rejoices when Farinella gives her a Led Zeppelin album, how she imagines her harasser’s brilliant letter of recommendation to colleges.

This commitment to honesty continues in the second chapter of the book, “Flight,” as he recounts that Mills fell into “drugs, petty crime, and paranoia.” He sabotages promising relationships with women, attending a yeshiva in Jerusalem, dropping out of college and then volunteering at a refugee camp in Thailand, where he fell ill. When a doctor tells him he is experiencing post-traumatic stress, Mills returns to New York to seek help.