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Too Much Sharing
I have a colleague with whom I have become relatively close in the past two years. Although he has since moved to another department, I was his direct manager for a year. We shared some personal details about our lives. While I prefer to handle such issues outside of work, I was happy to act as a soundboard as I felt I was one of his only sources of support.
Recently, she’s had such a hard time that she took a short break. She came to me first because she needed help navigating the situation, which is fine, but now I know quite a bit about her medical history and mental state and she keeps coming to me with regular updates even though I encourage her to call. additional help. I had to raise some serious mental health concerns to HR, so I feel like I’ve done my part professionally. I find it very inappropriate to know so much about her medical condition and I want to set a limit but I don’t know how to do that without really upsetting her. I care about him a lot, but I don’t have the emotional or professional bandwidth to take on that.
How do I deal with setting this boundary in an empathetic but appropriate way?
— Anonymous, Boston
While your colleague sees you as a friend, you see him or her as a colleague with whom you are friendly. But to be fair, I don’t think you’ve set a clear boundary on what you can and cannot talk to him about. When he approaches you with his problems, you listen, even if you try to direct him to more appropriate resources. He probably doesn’t know that he’s posting too much; He thinks he trusts a friend.
I totally understand that he just doesn’t have the bandwidth to take on his seemingly overwhelming and packed problems. It’s up to you to set boundaries and enforce them gently but firmly. The next time he approaches you and wants to share too much, you should tell him that you care about him but that you are not in a position to give him the emotional support he needs. It’s kinder to be upfront with him about what you can and cannot provide. I also remind her of the mental health options she can take advantage of at work. I wish you both the best in your progress.
New Management Blues
I have several years of experience in my current workplace but relatively little direct management experience. Although my employer does not have a formal training plan for new hires, I have developed training materials and have done my best to proactively teach my new colleagues. With a new colleague who was my direct report recently, there were questions and questions that I felt could have been answered had he listened more carefully to my previous explanations or reviewed the guidelines I had emailed. However, I am also aware that I may not be able to explain things as well as I thought. How can I balance the tension between feeling that his performance isn’t meeting my expectations and not being sure if I’m providing enough of the direction he needs?
— Anonymous, New York
Why do you doubt yourself and see his inadequacies as indicators of your own? It’s important to hold yourself accountable and be open to constructive criticism, but nothing in your letter shows that you didn’t provide adequate direction. Its performance does not meet your expectations. This is what you have to struggle with right now. Instead of worrying about your business, develop a strategy for addressing performance issues with a plan for how it might improve and the consequences if it doesn’t meet new expectations. And then, you have to follow.
Dreaming of Business
I have been moderately successful in my career. I have developed specific expertise and excel in some aspects of my position, while doing just fine in others. I could probably keep doing this for the rest of my life. It can be rewarding at times, but it has many elements that I hate, and I end most days feeling worn out rather than productive or fulfilling.
I’ll be 40 next year. I spent the better part of the epidemic locked in an empty room, working remotely and burning more and more. I also read articles about the Great Resignation and the workers who are fed up and moving on. I’m lucky to have a job while Covid-19 is throwing so many lives upside down, but I wonder is that all?
What’s the right balance between passion and salary? Should I be grateful for the occasional rewarding moments, overlook the bad, and otherwise appreciate that work has a purpose? Or should I start looking for something else? Do people who say they love their job really like their job, or is it just a fantasy?
— anonymous
Loving someone’s work is not a fantasy. Indeed, there are people out there who love their job, are passionate about what they do, and are deeply satisfied. That level of professional satisfaction can be tough, but it’s there. It often requires a combination of hard work, risk taking and luck. I love what I do. Even though I’ve been dealing with burnout lately, I’m generally enthusiastic about all the great things I’m working on. When I finally have quiet moments to write, I’m really excited to see what I can throw on the page. And it took more than 20 years to get here.
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