Stephen Colbert Signs with Mitch McConnell

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“Rising cases are fueled by vaccine hesitancy fueled by a dangerous pathogen that scientists call the Republican Party.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

Louisiana Republican Representative Steve Scalise also urged skeptics to get the vaccine after taking his first dose this week, saying, “I’ve been vaccinated, most of my colleagues have been vaccinated, and the vaccine is safe, effective, and this is widely used.”

“Yes Steve, we know. We all got it months ago.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Steve Scalise looks like the guy who just learned ‘Bridgerton’: [imitating Scalise] ‘You guys are like Jane Austen, but with high, tight man asses. Shonda Rimes has a real future.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“But Scalise seems to want both ways, because she later criticized public health services and said, ‘You see some people try to bully people instead of just encouraging them.’ OK, that’s a good point. Invite people in, persuade them, do not invite them out. Tonight, we’ve updated our award for all unvaccinated Americans getting vaccinated on ‘The Late Show’. You will now gain ‘life’ and ‘time’ for a lifetime.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Vaccinations have slowed significantly and less than half of the total U.S. population is fully vaccinated. In other words, if you think of it like a cake, about half of the cake will be vaccinated, while the other half will not be able to taste the cake because it is Covid.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Hey, I want to congratulate the Milwaukee Bucks on winning their first NBA championship in 50 years. Fifty years. That’s right, they beat the Phoenix Suns 105-98. But of course Arizona demanded a recount.” — JIMMY FALLON

“The game was a disaster for the Suns, Chris Paul had to sue State Farm to cover his losses.” — ANTHONY ANDERSON, guest host on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” talks about Suns quarterbacks

“The MVP of the finals was Giannis Antetokounmpo from Greece. Yes, a Greek NBA superstar. She might be the first to star in ‘Space Jam’ and ‘Mamma Mia’.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Jimmy Kimmel Live” guest host Anthony Anderson sent cameras down Hollywood Boulevard to find someone who could spell “Giannis Antetokounmpo.”

Hannah Einbinder, star of the HBO Max series “Hacks,” will be meeting with Stephen Colbert on Thursday’s “Late Show.”

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